4.29.2011

REDHEADS BLEED NO MORE THAN OTHERS

Baby male and female mice were produced from dual fathers, and it may be possible to produce non-cloned mice from a single mouse father. The circadian rhythms of mice are permanently affected by the season in which they were born. The excessive cleanliness of modern life may encourage depression by killing off beneficial bacteria. Neurotic newlyweds who have sex frequently are as happy as non-neurotic couples. Neonaticide in France was found to be five times more prevalent than previously thought. A South Carolina parrot was the sole witness to the death by neglect of a ninety-eight-year-old woman. "Help me, help me," said the parrot. "Ha ha ha!" Two California teenagers were arrested for strangling two chickens, a Rhode Island red named Linny and an Ameraucana named Maxine. In England, where average annual per-capita income 700 years ago was calculated to have been $800 in 1990 dollars, a flutist stole 299 rare bird skins from an ornithology museum in order to pay for a new flute. Oral sex is rarely or reluctantly received by women who fear their genitals are abnormal. The earth was found to be responsible for the asymmetric bulge of the moon's Lunar Farside Highlands. Scientists claimed to have found the first life that uses arsenic rather than phosphorus in its DNA and observed echoes of the universe from before the Big Bang. Particle physicists were optimistic about the possibility of creating something out of nothing, because nothing is actually something. The U.N. announced plans to launch a satellite powered by feces.

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